


Every Thought Takes Me Closer To You

by LoudenSwain713



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Fluff, Gen, Happy Ending, M/M, Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts, Telepathic Bond, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2018-10-29 03:55:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10845969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoudenSwain713/pseuds/LoudenSwain713
Summary: When Ryan Ross turned 13, he didn't gain a telepathic connection with his soulmate. This wasn't unusual, it just meant his soulmate was younger than him. Which wasn't a bad thing, except that he might have to wait for years to find his soulmate.Luckily, he didn't even have to wait a whole year. But Brendon Urie wasn't exactly what anyone would call a typical soulmate. At least he played a mean guitar.





	Every Thought Takes Me Closer To You

**Author's Note:**

> Brendon's thoughts are in bold.  
> Ryan's thoughts are in italic.

When Ryan woke up on the morning of his 13th birthday, he was excited. Everyone knew that you gained telepathic communication with your soulmate when the youngest of the pair turned 13. Of course, Ryan had no way of knowing whether or not he was younger than his soulmate, but it was a 50-50 chance.

Much to Ryan’s disappointment, however, the day passed without so much as a whisper from his other half. With a feeling of frustration and anger, he settled himself in to wait.

* * *

 

A few months shy of a year later, Ryan finally heard a voice in his mind. “ **Hello? Is anyone there?** ” Ryan noticed, with a start, that the voice was small and scared and definitely male. He didn’t have a problem with it, he had already realized he liked boys, but he didn’t know how his soulmate would feel about him being a guy.

“ _Yeah. Yeah, I’m here._ ”

There was a pause, and Ryan could practically feel the panic radiating from the boy. “ **No. You can’t - you can’t be! I’m not gay! I** **_can’t_ ** **be!** ”

The way his soulmate said ‘can’t’ left Ryan unsettled. Like he was being physically stopped from being homosexual. “ _Hey. Hey, it’s ok. Let’s just start small. What’s your name?_ ”

There was obvious reluctance and confusion from the younger boy. “ **But the Church… It’s not right.** ”

Ah. That explained it. “ _What church?_ ”

“ **LDS.** ”

Oh, Ryan thought, the hope in his chest sinking. He was a Mormon.

Suddenly an indignant voice cut in. “ **I can** ** _hear_ ** **you, ya know! We are supposed to be soulmates, after all. And the Church isn’t bad, just different. It’s mostly my parents, anyway.** ”

Ryan calmed down. “ _Right. Can we start over?_ ”

The voice softened. “ **Yeah.** ”

“ _Hi. My name’s Ryan Ross._ ”

“ **It’s nice to meet you, Ryan. I’m Brendon. Urie.** ”

* * *

It turned out they didn’t live too far from each other. As soon as Ryan found out, he wanted to meet Brendon properly, but his soulmate vehemently disagreed. Ryan didn’t have much choice but to listen to Brendon, mostly because he didn’t know his exact address and wasn’t quite ready to come out to his parents just yet. So instead, they talked about their lives.

* * *

“ **So. Do you play any instruments?** ”

“ _Guitar, piano, bass, a bit of drums. Why?_ ”

“ **Well, I don’t think I would be able to stand a soulmate who couldn’t do anything musically.** ” Brendon was teasing, of course, but there was a certain amount of weight behind his words.

“ _Shut up. What do you play?_ ”

“ **Same as you, mostly. Except I can play cello, too.** ”

They spent the rest of the night and most of the next day holed up in their rooms, testing each other’s playing ability. Ryan admitted that he wrote songs sometimes, and Brendon admitted he had tried it too. They laughed at each other’s mistakes, encouraged here and there, tried out each other’s songs.

Laughing, Ryan fell back against his pillows. “ _You didn’t!_ ”

Ryan could almost feel Brendon’s shrug. “ **It wasn’t even an A! If anything it was a C. They don’t sound anything alike!** ”

Ryan had to admit Brendon was right, feeling sorry for the girl in Brendon’s class that couldn’t hold an even pitch. Shaking his head, Ryan smiled. Maybe this whole soulmate thing wouldn’t be so bad.

* * *

When Ryan was 14 and Brendon almost that old, Ryan’s parents found out about them. He was sitting at the dining table, eating pancakes, when he burst into laughter. It was loud, joyful laughter, rarely seen from the boy. His parents looked at him like he had gone crazy. When Ryan noticed their looks, he grinned. “Sorry. Bren’s just hil-” he broke off, both because he realized what he had said and Brendon was practically screaming at him to shut up.

His mom looked at him curiously. “You didn’t tell me you’d found your soulmate.”

Ryan swallowed, looking away. “ _Bren, is it ok if I tell them?_ ”

“ **I - I guess. I mean they don’t know me. And if they’re mean to you I’ll…** ” Brendon trailed off, not quite sure what he would do to Ryan’s parents.

Ryan’s mouth curled at the corners. “Yeah. He -  Brendon turned 13 in April.”

Ryan’s parents looked at each other. Then his dad snorted. “Well, I don’t know why you’ve waited so long to tell us.”

Ryan let out a breath and relaxed in his seat. They continued eating.

* * *

“ _So when am I going to see you?_ ” Ryan asked, lying in his bed, throwing a ball into the air.

“ **This really isn’t a good time, Ry,** ” Brendon answered, nervousness lacing his voice.

Ryan snorted. “ _But we never talk about this. I want to be able to see you. God, Bren, I want to be able to feel you._ ”

A burst of anger shot into his mind, accompanied with the image of a cross hanging on a wall and people sitting in pews. “ **I’m in** **_church_ ** **, Ryan! We can talk about this later.** ” With that, Brendon placed a boundary in between their minds. It didn’t sever their connection, but it muted it, so they could only feel rough emotions and vaguely follow each other’s thoughts.

Ryan noticed the shut off immediately, his heart clenching as the connection he’d shared for two years slowed to a trickle. His instincts took over and he started to panic, reaching, near-blind, for the comforting presence of Brendon. It took a minute, one terrifyingly long minute, but Ryan found Brendon hiding in the back of his mind.

He filled his thoughts with apologies and pleas, begging to have the connection back. Begrudgingly, Brendon let the wall fall. “ **I mean it, Ry. We’ll talk about this later, I promise, but I’m in church now. They’ll notice if I’m not fully here.** ” His voice was noticeably softer, laced with apology.

Ryan sighed. “ _Ok. I’ll talk to you in a bit._ ” He went back to tossing the ball into the air.

* * *

Ryan sat in class, completely ignoring his history teacher. He was talking to Brendon, who was home ‘sick’. Brendon was sick of school, though, tired of the students calling him ‘faggot’ and ‘gaywad’, tired of them knocking his books out of his hands and cornering him in empty hallways.  “ _Bren, I’m sorry. You know they’re assholes, right?”_

Brendon snorts. “ **Yeah. I guess.** ”

“ _Listen to me. If I could tell them all off I would. In a heartbeat._ ”

This got an actual chuckle out of Brendon, though it was dry and forced. If Ryan couldn’t read Brendon’s mind, he would have been satisfied. But he could, and Ryan saw the thoughts that ran in a dark undercurrent just out of easy reach.

Suddenly, he was pulled out of his conversation. “Mr. Ross!” his teacher thundered, towering up from behind his desk. “What is so important that you ignore every question thrown your way, even after I’ve asked you five times?”

Ryan swallowed, nudging Brendon away, asking for a minute of privacy. The younger boy obliged, somewhat reluctantly, and withdrew. “I’m sorry. It’s my soulmate, sir.”

His teacher’s face turned red. “Your soulmate?! You’re zoning out of my class to have a little chat with your _soulmate_?!”

Hot rage consumed his vision. Ryan didn’t even notice standing up. He didn’t remember shouting at his teacher. But he did anyway. “When his life depends on it! No one else in his life cares enough to pay attention to his mental health. So yeah, when my soulmate is contemplating stealing some pills from his parents’ bathroom, I’m going to talk to him!”

The room was completely silent, save for Ryan’s heavy breathing. Awareness came back to him, and once he could move again he dropped into his seat. He lowered his face into his hands, ignoring the whispers that surrounded him. Just before he let Brendon know it was safe to come back, he heard his teacher sigh. “Come see me after class, Ryan.”

* * *

“ **I didn’t ever thank you. For earlier.** ” Brendon thought.

No answer.

Of course, Brendon thought with a shake of his head. It was four in the morning. No one in their right mind would be up that late. “ **I’ve been in a bit of a dark place lately. I don’t think I’d be here without you. I guess you’re sort of like my sun. I mean, it’s almost like my entire world has been this dark cloud, and then you come along and brighten up everything.** ”

In his sleep, Ryan stirred, a smile flitting across his face.

* * *

Ryan was in his bedroom, messing with his guitar, when Brendon called out to him. “ **Ryan?** ” he asked, his thoughts shaky and scared.

Ryan immediately responded, sensing something was wrong. “ _Bren? What happened?_ ”

A sniffle slipped through. “ **They didn’t react well.** ”

“ _Oh._ ” Brendon had finally worked up the courage to come out to his parents, about his sexuality and his religion, or lack thereof. And Ryan felt partially responsible because he had sort of pushed Brendon to talk to his parents.

Brendon could obviously hear Ryan’s train of thought, but he chose not to comment. “ **They kicked me out. Would you come and get me?** ”

Ryan was already slipping on his shoes. “ _Of course. Where are you?_ ” He was trying to ignore the fact that, as ridiculous at it seemed, this would be the first time he would ever see Brendon. After four years of talking and getting more and more comfortable around each other, they were finally going to meet. Properly.

While Brendon rattled off his parents’ address, Ryan raced to the living room. He spotted his mom. “Mom! Can I use your car?”

His mom frowned. “Why?” she questioned cautiously.

“Brendon’s parents kicked him out. He doesn’t have anywhere to go. And it’s really hot out.”

His mom nodded in understanding. “The keys are on the kitchen table.”

Ryan grabbed them and ran out the door, unlocking the car and sliding in. He started the car, keeping up a conversation during the entire drive to Brendon’s house.

When he got there, Ryan’s heart throbbed. There was a kid, a little younger than him, sitting on the curb, his head in his hands. He had a pitifully small bag sitting next to him, as well as a guitar case. He lifted his head and stared at the approaching car. There he was. Brendon Urie. Ryan Ross’s soulmate.

Ryan stopped the car, practically running out of the vehicle to the other side, to take in Brendon Urie, to memorize his face. He looked at his dark hair, at his eyes, at his entire body. Brendon was standing up at this point. He was looking at Ryan in much the same way, though tears glistened in his eyes. Ryan stepped forward. “Hey,” he said tentatively.

Suddenly Brendon was pressed against Ryan, arms wrapped around him. Ryan froze for half a second before he reciprocated, holding him tightly. “Come on,” he whispered. “Let’s get out of here.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! Constructive criticism is appreciated.


End file.
